Quintessentially Quilly

“Speaking of debt, dude …”

“So help me, dude, you bring up that ‘B’ stuff again, I’m dumpin’ a whole hive on you!”

“Sheesh, dude, what a don’t bee you’re buzzin’ out to be. I got a completely different question.”

“Um … yeah?”

“What’s number 9 coal?”

“You’re askin’ me, dude? The last time I heard ’bout coal was when Mom threatened to fill my Christmas stocking with it!”

“Sixteen tons of it, dude?”

“In a stocking? Where you gettin’ all this?”

“It’s an old song some of OC’s buddies ‘ve been singin’. Somethin’ ’bout broke coal miners, sounds like.”

“What? This one? Man, that’s so, like, twentieth century!”

“Nineteenth, even.”

“If ever a song needed updatin’ …”

“And you’re gonna do it?”

“As a matter of fact, dude …”

“What’s that music I hear all of a sudden?”

“A dude’s gotta have somethin’ to sing to, dude. Weeelll …”

“Wait, dude!”

“Wait why?”

“I gotta dig out my earplugs, dude!”

“Philistine. Weeeell …

I was born one day with the sun in a cloud,
I picked up my laptop and I went underground.
I defragged sixteen terabytes of data so fine,
The sysadmin said (heh) never mind.

Y’load sixteen terabytes and what do you get?
Another year obsolete and deeper in debt.
Saint Peter don’t ya call me, keep me outa the yard;
I owe my soul to my credit card.”

“Hey, dude, my verse!”

“So where are my earplugs, dude?”

“Weeeeelll …

They call me an engineer but this is the rest,
Casey Jones I ain’t ’cause I’m a-chained to a desk.
But with a mouse and a keyboard baby …”

“A mouse and a keyboard, dude? That’s almost as bad as the coal! Not to mention this desk-chainin’ business …”

“When did you start writin’ for Rollin’ Stone, dude? Fine, I’ll change it.”

“But with a bluetooth an’ an iPad baby I’m way cool,
Give me plenty of RAM, I’m a hackin’ fool.

Y’load sixteen terabytes and what do you get?
Another year obsolete and deeper in debt.
Saint Peter don’t ya call me, ’cause then I’ll be alone;
All my friends are in the Dilbert Zone.”

“Right, dude, you had your chance. Weeell …

Now some say the universe was made by a hand;
But I say the universe was made outa sand.
With instant messaging and email and the internet bill,
If Linux don’t get ya, then Windows will.”

“HEY!! I’ve seen Mac OS do some pretty strange things, dude!”

“Y’load sixteen terabytes and what do you get?
Another year obsolete and deeper in debt.
Saint Peter don’t ya call me ’cause I cain’t go:
I ooooooo …. ackackackACK! Dude! No fair ticklin’!”

“Well, dude, ya want me to resist temptation, y’shouldn’t make silly poses like that.”

“Dude, rather than beatin’ on me, why don’t ya join me?”

“Oh, OK, dude …”

“I ooooooooooowe my so …oh oh oh oh oh oooul …
To the online stooooore.”

“Dum dum de dum doo de li dum.”

“Dude.”

===============

With sincerest apologies to Tennessee Ernie Ford.